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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 17, 2014 0:03:10 GMT
After weeks of crying and anxiety, in Aug I called my primary asking for "meds that help with stress" I said I needed something with an immediate effect none of this 28 day crap.
It's been trial and error since aug experimenting with different meds, but we finally found the right combination. I'm now on Prozac 40mg once daily and Klonopin as needed up to 3x's per day. What a life saver these have been for me. They take the edge off the emotional pain and allow me to see "clearly". Eyes wide open.
My husband has ESLD and kept it a secret until it became an emergency life or death situation.
I don't know that I can forgive him for keeping such a deep dark secret. What if I had not been home and my kids found him?!!
I'm so angry. And it never ends with this guy. It feels like every day there is a new secret that needs to be unraveled. Today I found him reading a report from his medical team.... I could tell by the letter head...... he refused to allow me to see it or share with me the information within.
How the heck do you hide things from your CAREGIVER!!!! Clearly he didn't learn from the first near death episode.
Thank god I have my meds to take the edge off.....they certainly help to keep this house much calmer. I'm glad to have this forum where I can vent.
DW
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 17, 2014 1:03:18 GMT
Is he on a transplant list?
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 17, 2014 1:08:55 GMT
Is he on a transplant list? No, his last calculated MELD done in late sept was 14 .... they were using lab results from July to calculate. I tried to calculate with more recent blood works a few weeks ago, but I was missing the INR. I calculated using the old INR and the 2 new scores and the number was at 18 I think..... obviously not correct though as I was working with an old INR and not sure that score was still accurate. |
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 17, 2014 1:16:52 GMT
Baylor Dallas lets people on the list below 14. Joe started when he was an 8 I believe.
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 17, 2014 1:19:09 GMT
We were told he has to be over 30 in the SE PA area, that's when I asked about information and how to go about being a living donor.
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 17, 2014 2:04:41 GMT
OMG. Why isn't he on the list, then? Bit, then again, even if he were on the list, he would certainly get some reprimanding at the least for not allowing his caregiver to be involved, at least. His behavior is certainly hostile.
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 17, 2014 2:06:45 GMT
I like my blue hair, btw. But, where's my lipstick!  |
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 17, 2014 4:55:34 GMT
I like my blue hair, btw. But, where's my lipstick! You can dress yourself up. Look at my cool shades!! |
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 17, 2014 5:06:28 GMT
OMG. Why isn't he on the list, then? Bit, then again, even if he were on the list, he would certainly get some reprimanding at the least for not allowing his caregiver to be involved, at least. His behavior is certainly hostile. It doesnt' really matter..... he doesn't feel he will ever make it to TP. He's sure that one of the complications will take him out. I can't argue with him about a healthy lifestyle and positive mental health any longer. He burnt me out. I'll just have to pick up the pieces when something happens; just like the last time. It's time to focus on what's best for me and my children. I've been given no choice but to take that position. His behavior is extremely self-centered and childish. He wanted me "out of his medical business"..... he wins... I'm out. I'll just call 911 when the time comes. I'm giving him exactly what he wants. Oddly, he doesn't seem to like it too much. I'm tired of fighting his monsters. I give up. But I refuse to allow him to ruin my future. |
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 17, 2014 19:30:55 GMT
I get it. I can relate. My husband started off strong and obeyed the docs. Maybe he didn't know the long road ahead. He's gone back to his old self destructive ways. I wore myself out trying to save him. I found out he really doesn't want saving. Not my decision to make until he is ready. I'll be here if and when that happens. I wonder if he doesn't understand his decision or actions due to hepatic encephalopathy. Shrug.
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moon head
New Member
aggressive hostile
Posts: 19 
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Post by moon head on Feb 19, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
I remember those self destructive days - I would call and cry to my daughter - I felt very isolated - I felt insane at times. Sometimes I felt like I needed to leave him but I knew I was the only person keeping him alive. It was very dark - everyday for almost a year before he got his transplant. I knew he needed me, but many times he spent all his energy trying to drive me away.
I have been on Wellbutrin for years but added Xanex (as needed) for anxiety and Ambien for sleep.
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 20, 2014 11:18:20 GMT
Isolated, Yes..... you have no one to talk to about your feelings... those not enduring this horrible disease cannot comprehend - as much as our well meaning friends may want to help..... they just can't.
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