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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 22, 2014 0:12:14 GMT
Part of the success of this forum depends upon honesty and courage. Ask your medical team. Deception and manipulation does not lead to life. These are the very things that led us all here. To be a CareGiver is NOT to Enable!!! We are here for information and COURAGE to SURVIVE. Survival takes a strong person. It is within a caregivers reach to help a person help themselves. The patient with end stage liver disease cannot get a transplant without a caregiver. But, only with the SOBERING and Painful Truth is this walk successful. If your patient refuses this (kicking and screaming are normal for the transition), then let them have their way. It is Not Our responsibility to SAVE people. Christ, the Savior just showed us the way. If even He didn't do all the work for us, then why are we trying to do another's work for them. After all, it may be their right to walk the walk on their own two feet or fall on their own that they are busy fighting for. Give your patient freedom to choose. God, our Creator did. So did Christ. Neither of them forced anything on anyone. Why should we? We should educate ourselves and take care of ourselves so we are able to care for them when they are ready for help. I encourage you to get a video recorded of your patient speaking to himself so he can be reminded he or she needs you. Show it to them when they are sick with high ammonia. Maybe they won't mess around get themselves lost and die when they need you most.
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 22, 2014 0:24:52 GMT
Amen!!!
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 25, 2014 21:34:06 GMT
FROM the Journal of Pl liaise and Hospice Care Nursing.
I mordant. Please read. This may help caregivers AND patients. These people are available and not in the Rush that doctors are. Communicating, advocating, and intervention as needed.
COMMUNICATING PROGNOSIS
End of life is often considered the final stage of life, although the precise time of transition to EOL is not clear. Palliative care, however, should be initiated in all patients with a serious or life-threatening illness even if patients are still pursuing curative care such as liver transplantation. Palliative care is focused on improving quality of life, reducing symptoms, and relieving distress and incorporates both patients and their family; this is discussed in more detail below. Because of variability in functional decline and pursuit of curative therapies, palliative care should be incorporated into the care of all patients with ESLD.
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Post by needhelp on Feb 26, 2014 2:34:20 GMT
I'm enabling my brother so that he will live. That's not a negative.
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 26, 2014 2:47:49 GMT
I'm enabling my brother so that he will live. That's not a negative. NeedHelp, I think you might be confused by what we are referring to when we use the term "Enabler". Here is the definition: en·abler noun \i-ˈnā-b(ə-)lər\ (Medical Dictionary) Medical Definition of ENABLER : one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by helping that individual avoid the consequences of such behavior |
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 26, 2014 23:52:59 GMT
That's one definition. It can be about helping someone is good ways, too. That's where I'm at. We were referring to self-destructive behavior; and to enable self-destructive behavior is not helping but aiding in the harm. |
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Post by Onomatopoeia on Feb 28, 2014 3:20:39 GMT
Needhelp... let me correct you...
He left me money regardless of his getting a liver or not, so I would be a piece of crap to abandon him in his hour of need.
It will only cost us $150,000.00 to get a transplant in Mexico. I'm taking him. He's willing. He trusts me enough to make his official Medical POA. That's just a drop in the bucket. What a heel I'd be if I didn't try. You've got it all backwards.
And DW invested her whole adult life in this relationship. They budget both incomes to take advantage of available financial leverages. Can't you see the common hostility taken out on the caregiver (usually anger they haven't dealt with due to their impending death.) Is what is causing DW to put her future in danger? Liver failure or not, his behavior is unacceptable. Leave the decision the a JUDGE and take your teeth out of her.
People are here for venting, support, help, an ear. Not your harsh judgement.
Judge not lest you, yourself be judged!
What is wrong with you? Why do you feel compelled to come here and judge people who have enough on their plates?
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 28, 2014 15:34:38 GMT
From what I've read here (deceived wife and Ono), you're still enabling your husbands, by living in the same house, even though they're doing all of the wrong things. You both say you're sticking around in order to gain financial rewards they will leave you. I don't know if I could bear living like that. There must be a better way. I'm here because this is my house and my children live here. I can't afford to move and my husband needs a caregiver, despite his behavior. But, I do need to take steps to ensure he does not will away my portion of our marital assets. I'm not quite sure why you don't get that. Maybe it is b/c you have not been in my situation. You are dealing with your brother; there are different dynamics involved. Your brother has no control over your finances. |
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Post by Deceived Wife on Feb 28, 2014 16:26:27 GMT
From what I've read here (deceived wife and Ono), you're still enabling your husbands, by living in the same house, even though they're doing all of the wrong things. You both say you're sticking around in order to gain financial rewards they will leave you. I don't know if I could bear living like that. There must be a better way. Clearly you're not reading correctly. Ono's situation is a little different than mine. As it stands now, every marital asset I own has been bequeathed to other people. If my husband dies tomorrow, I'm broke. Yesterday, he intended to call the mortgage company and try to defer our payments due to his condition ..... I need to call and see if he actually made said call. If he has...... that will help him now as he will have minimal bills to pay but will make it harder for me to sell this house ( that I won't be able to afford) upon his death. |
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